About 99% of the time it's ON, my TV is displaying the PowerBook,
PlayStation 2, or a DVD. Yet lo and behold, during that other 1% when it's
on PBS, i be yet offended to near the very core of my very being by this
bimbo.
I know one person from New Zealand, and i think she's
great, and everything i've heard about the place is fantastic. So it's
nothing to do with Hayley Westenra's nationality. It is 100% to do with
her choice of songs to cover. Specifically, Kate.
There's only one
Kate Bush, and there will only ever be one Kate Bush. And no, you
can't even come close to Kate's voice singing Kate's music, and FOR THE
LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY, please just DO NOT TRY. Sing along in the shower,
or in the car, or even when you have headphones on. But under NO
CIRCUMSTANCES should you ever attempt to perform a melody written by Kate,
unless she is singing a duet with you.
You're welcome to play her song
over the PA while you stand on stage in mute, awed, appreciation. But
never, ever, ever, attempt to cover any of her songs. The difference is
painful for us to hear, Precious.
The only non-horrendous thing about
hearing Hayley Westenra trying (and failing) to cover "Wuthering Heights"
is that it causes me such suffering i must immediately listen to many
songs of the One True Kate, and hear her so much the better.
Yes, some
of her songs are -- from a certain, ascetic standpoint that i no longer
recall comprehending -- odd. Perhaps even a tad bit goofy, as so many
things from the 1970s were wont to be. But even the goofiest Kate is
divine, the most middling Kate is transcendent, and the most divine Kate
simply cannot be described. And i can't explain why this is to someone who
does not already understand, any better than i could explain the taste of
Chocolate or the bliss of that first cup of Coffee to someone who does not
appreciate those pleasures.
Perhaps, at last i finally understand what
it may be like to be a Fundamentalist, at least of something. So please,
please, please, PLEASE, take my word for it, and do not attempt to cover
Kate.
(Or i'll have no choice but to research ways of causing PBS'
broadcast satellite to burn up in the atmosphere.)
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