November 2004 Archives

Nov 18 03:13:00 2004

Conversations with my Cat.

The other day i was talking to Popo. She was meowing and pawing at the door, so i started explaining to her how it was dangerous outside and she'd live longer if i never let her outside. I felt it necessary to add that if life was twice as long but at least half as fun, it'd work out the same or better. She didn't seem to buy it.
So i tried it out on myself, and had to admit that at 18, i would have agreed with her: Gimme all the fun now, i don't care how long i live. These days, at 36, apparently i now feel compelled to explain that the safe life is better. This realization comes a bucket of cold water over the head.
Before i moved back to Texas, i told [info]lisajulie that i felt like i'd been whacked by the maturity faerie when i wasn't paying attention. If i recall correctly, she seemed a little appalled. Maybe she was just surprised i'd finally succumbed. Or maybe it was just the "middle-aged faerie." Shit happens.
So i wonder what i will next be thinking, at 54. "You see, Popo, it's better to have any life at all, no matter how miserable, compared with nothing at all."
Every weekday, i ride on the tiny little bit of 32nd St. that spans (and goes beneath -- it's a split level sort of freeway) IH-35 on my way to work. The heat and carbon monoxide from the cars washes over me as i pass. In the last week or so, i've slowed, and looked down at the cars, trucks, SUVs and semis that are zooming by, and i make a point of saying to myself, "You could end it all, right now, if it's really so bad."
I've decided i need to do this. Part of it stems from the obtuse preoccupation i have with the Eastern (samurai, Bushido, Japanese, Buddhist, etc.) notion of always being mindful of the "imminence" of one's potential demise. Part of it is just trying to remind myself to at least make an effort to enjoy what i get.
I didn't really set out to sleepwalk through my Waking Life, but lately, i seem to have trouble getting out of the warm, comfy bed to face to cold day. Often in fact, and a lot of trouble. Maybe it's the onset of fall, and all of this rain. Maybe i could even hibernate like a bear. I think i could. I'm really good at sleeping.

Posted by johan | Permanent link

Nov 17 16:24:00 2004

FL 2004 Pres Election Charts

Heh. This issues seems to have largely died down now. I started working on these the day after the election. I'd intended to make quite a few more, but i haven't gotten around to it yet, so i'm just sticking up what i have: these charts of Florida votes.

Posted by johan | Permanent link